Sleepless
by Cassandra Mulder
Summary: Scully's been having problems sleeping, and it's all Mulder's fault.


Title: "Sleepless"   
Author: Cassandra Mulder  
Rating: PG   
Feedback: dana_mulder31@hotmail.com  
Archive: Anywhere reputable, as long as you e-mail me about   
it first, and leave my name attached.   
Spoilers: None   
Classifications: MSR, Angst   
Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Files. I should be so lucky! I just write   
this stuff for my amusement, and the amusement of others.   
Author's Notes: This story came to me as a result of my own insomnia.   
That's how it started out, and then I just put Scully in a situation where all   
the thoughts that ran through her head while she was trying to sleep got   
her in a situation she wouldn't normally be in.   
POV: Totally Scully.   
  
*******************************************************   
  
Scully lay in her bed tossing and turning. She couldn't sleep to save her   
life. She'd been trying for three hours. She looked at the clock. It was 1:15   
a.m., and she didn't know what to do. There was no reading material on hand,   
and she knew good and well there was nothing on television.   
  
So here she was alone and in the dark, with only her thoughts for company.   
And those were making her head hurt. She was so mentally exhausted, but   
she wasn't sure why. A million things kept running through her head, and   
she was completely powerless to stop them.   
  
She groaned, leaned up on one elbow, and punched her pillows with her   
other hand. If she didn't get comfortable, and get to sleep soon, she'd be   
completely useless at work. And she had to get up in four hours.   
  
Great, she thought, if I show up with bags and dark circles underneath my   
eyes, Mulder's just going to get worried and ask questions. Questions I can't   
afford to answer right now.   
  
Scully couldn't afford to answer them, because if she told Mulder that 900,000   
of her million thoughts were about him, there'd be trouble. Trouble she wasn't   
prepared to stir up at the moment.   
  
That was the main problem, she didn't know if she'd ever be prepared.   
  
Lately, falling asleep had been as troubling as tossing and turning. The dreams   
she'd been having about Mulder were perfectly innocent, but very disturbing all   
the same. It had become a bit awkward for her when she was around him, but it   
mustn't have been too obvious, because he didn't seem to notice.   
  
But then there's alot he doesn't notice, she thought. I do notice though, and one   
day I'm gonna screw up and he'll know something's going on.   
  
She couldn't let that happen. She wouldn't admit it to herself, but she was scared   
to death of changing things. As desperately as she craved more, she couldn't bring   
herself to initiate anything she'd been thinking.   
  
It was just too risky in her opinion. There was already too much at stake in their   
friendship. A romantic relationship, taking things any further, could only make   
things worse in the situations they got themselves into.   
  
But trying to rationalize the situation wasn't helping her. She still wanted what   
she knew she couldn't have, she guessed she always would. And she wasn't   
feeling the same vibes from Mulder anymore, it was as if that now she cared,   
he didn't.   
  
Or maybe he never cared in the first place, she thought.   
  
She rolled over on her back, and smacked herself in the forehead.   
  
God, what am I thinking? I must be suffering from sleep deprivation to be   
thinking this way. I've never once doubted Mulder. He's always there for   
me, but maybe I just need to get a life. If I keep being so dependent on him,   
I'm going to be lying in this bed, single and alone for the rest of my life. I   
don't know if I want that anymore. I'm 36 years old, it's time I did something   
about my personal life. I need to get a date or something. If I don't kick myself   
out of my comfort zone fast, I'm going to regret it. But where am I going to get   
a date?   
  
Then she suddenly remembered a guy from Quantico. There had been a slight   
attraction between them that had never been acted upon, and she had seen him   
a few times over the years.   
  
I'll call James in the morning, she thought. I'll see if he wants to have dinner or   
something.   
  
She sighed, turned over, and 15 minutes later she was fast asleep.   
**************************************************************   
Scully's alarm clock went off at 5:45 a.m. She smacked the snooze button   
hard. Almost too hard.   
  
She was so exhausted she thought about calling in sick, or at least being late.   
She didn't feel she could drag herself out of bed at all. So she reset her clock for   
7 a.m., and went back to sleep. When it went off again, she woke up and grabbed   
the phone by her bed. She called the office to tell them she was sick, and wouldn't   
be coming in today. She didn't really feel bad about it. It was Friday anyway. She   
just wanted some sleep and a date. And after a couple more hours of sleep, she'd   
start working on the date.   
  
The ringing of her telephone woke Scully up at 9:30 a.m.   
  
"Hello?", she said.   
  
"Hi, uh, Scully, are you alright? Why aren't you here?"   
  
"Mulder, I called in sick."   
  
"I figured that part out. What is it that's wrong with you?"   
  
"I feel like I'm coming down with something, and I am about to die of exhaustion.   
Is that a thorough enough explanation for you?"   
  
"Yeah. Geez, Scully, you don't have to be so offended that I cared enough to call   
and see what's up."   
  
"I'm sorry, Mulder. I just really don't feel good right now."   
  
"Ok. Well, then I'll just let you go so you can get some rest."   
  
"Thanks for calling, Mulder. Really."   
  
"Bye, Scully", he said,and hung up.   
  
Why did I snap at him?, she thought, as she put the phone back in its cradle.   
Stupid, stupid, stupid!, she told herself as she crawled out of bed, and stumbled   
into the bathroom.   
  
She ran herself a bath, and soaked for awhile.   
  
After she was done, she picked up the phone to call James Warner. She was   
more nervous than she thought she'd be, but she dialed his number and waited   
for him to pick up.   
  
"Hello?", said a male voice on the other end.   
  
"Uh, hello. Is this James?", she asked.   
  
"Yes, who's calling?", he said.   
  
"This is Dana Scully", she replied. "I-"   
  
"Dana? It's so good to hear from you."   
  
"You- I mean, I, uh, didn't expect you to remember me."   
  
Quit stuttering, you idiot, she thought to herself.   
  
"How could I forget you, Dana? The most beautiful woman in the F.B.I.   
What can I do for you?"   
  
She was blushing now. "I was, um, just wondering if maybe you'd like to   
have dinner or something tonight?"   
  
"Sure, Dana. You just say when and where."   
  
"How about dinner and a movie ? Pick me up at 6?"   
  
"Sounds great to me."   
  
She gave him her address, worked out a few other details, said a pleasant   
goodbye, and hung up.   
  
I can't believe I just did that, she thought.   
  
James had said he would make reservations, so all she had to do was worry   
about finding something to wear.   
  
Do I own anything besides business suits?, she thought. I HAVE been working   
too much!   
  
Scully dug through her closet until she found something she thought would be   
appropriate. In the very back of the closet, she found a very elegant, long, black   
dress, that had a slight slit up the side. It had a modest, but not too modest neckline,   
and long sleeves. She couldn't remember for the life of her why she'd bought it,   
because she knew for a fact she'd never worn it. It was going to be cool by the   
time James picked her up, so she figured the long sleeves would work, and it   
was also semi-formal, which was all she would need.   
  
She would also need courage. Lots of it, because she was scared out of her   
wits. The last date she had gone on was 8 years ago, and Mulder had completely   
botched that up.   
  
Yeah, just start thinking about Mulder again, she told herself. That last date is   
exactly why I didn't tell him about this one.   
**************************************************************   
The rest of the day had surprisingly flown by, and now Scully was putting the   
finishing touches on her makeup. James was supposed to show up in 15 minutes,   
and she was getting more nervous by the second.   
  
I'm 36, not 16, she told herself, so just calm down already! He's going to be here in   
a minute, and if I look flustered, it's all over.   
  
She took a couple of deep breaths, smoothed her dress, slipped on her heels, and   
then there was a knock at the door. She jumped.   
  
God!, she thought, Maybe this was a mistake. The things sleep deprivation will do   
to you, she thought to herself as she walked to the door.   
  
One more deep breath, and she swung open the door. There was James holding   
a bouquet of pink carnations.   
  
"Hi, James", Scully said.   
  
"Hi, Dana", he said, handing her the flowers.   
  
"James, you didn't have to bring flowers. Thank you."   
  
He smiled. "You're welcome."   
  
"Come in", she said. "I'll just find a vase for these, and we can go."   
  
She left James in the living room, quickly found a vase, and filled it with water   
for the flowers.   
  
Scully walked back to the living room, and thought she might not have such a   
bad time after all. James was attractive. Tall, light brown hair, deep blue eyes.   
  
But not as tall as Mulder, she thought. And his eyes aren't that amazing hazel,   
that turn from that lovely green to brown when he's troubled.   
  
AHHHH!!!, her mind screamed, Shut up about Mulder!   
  
She grabbed her purse from the couch, and told James she was ready to go.   
She was going to enjoy this evening, and she wasn't going to think about Mulder.   
  
Even if it kills me, she thought.   
  
James opened the door for her, something that didn't happen very often   
in her experience. He did the same thing when they got to the car, and   
she smiled and thanked him. Being treated like a lady for once was nice.   
  
The drive to the restaurant was filled with mostly small talk, and Scully was   
more comfortable than she had thought she'd be.   
  
When they were finally seated at the restaurant, was when they really began   
to talk.   
  
"Dana, I just wanted to tell you that you look lovely tonight."   
  
"Thank you", she said, trying desperately not to blush.   
  
"How has work been going?", he questioned.   
  
"Oh, it's been going fine. It's been a little hectic lately, but then most of my   
life has been."   
  
"How's that partner of yours, uh, Fox Mulder, is it?"   
  
"Oh, yeah, he's fine. He's been doing great."   
  
Why, she thought, Why did he have to bring up Mulder?   
  
"Been working on anything interesting lately?", she said, trying to change   
the subject.   
  
"Not really", he replied. "But then you know there's not much that can be   
interesting after you've done hundreds of autopsies. Let's not talk about   
that though, we are at dinner after all."   
  
She laughed. "Alright, but there's not much that can make me nauseous   
anymore."   
  
"I figured that, but let's not talk shop here anymore."   
  
She smiled, and he changed the subject.   
  
"So, Dana, you mean to tell me that you don't have a boyfriend? Nobody   
in your life at all?"   
  
She laughed slightly, becoming extremely uncomfortable. She took a sip of   
her wine, and tried to compose herself.   
  
"No, technically I have been single for a very long time."   
  
"Technically?", James questioned.   
  
"Well, it's kind of complicated. You see, Mulder's kind of been like my   
significant other for the last eight years", she thought she might as well be   
honest. "Without the romantic complications, of course. We're just good friends,   
but I don't know if that's had anything to do with me not dating. I think it's mostly   
that I've been working too much. This job can take over your life, you know."   
  
Or at least that's what I WANT to believe, she thought.   
*******************************************************   
The rest of dinner had gone fine, and the movie had been decent, but Scully   
was glad when James brought her home and didn't expect any more out of   
the evening. She had been very grateful for that. She tossed her purse and   
coat on the couch, and made her way into the bedroom to get into her pajamas.   
  
Scully fluffed her pillows, and then crawled into bed. It was only 11 on a Friday   
night, but she didn't feel like finding anything to do. It would just be another   
sleepless night, as she wasn't even remotely tired.   
  
Just another in a string of long, lonely, sleepless nights, she thought.   
  
The only thing making her feel really bad right now was her disappointment   
in herself, that she'd lied to Mulder.   
  
Of course I didn't have to tell him I was going on a date, she thought.   
  
But I certainly didn't have to tell him I was sick when I wasn't. And snap at   
him at that. She sighed, and turned over.   
  
The need to see him right away was setting in. She wanted to see him, talk   
to him, apologize, and for the mostpart just feel him close to her. That's all   
she wanted every second of every day, and she had it. Until evening, when   
she had to go home to an empty apartment, and an even emptier bed.   
  
She turned over again and groaned. Oh my God, I'm going to do it, she thought,   
figuring she might as well admit it to herself. I've got to see him. I don't know what   
would affect my sanity more, seeing him, or staying here.   
  
She got out of bed, found a pair of jeans and a light sweater, and threw them on.   
It had started to rain, so she found one of her sturdier coats, got her keys, and left.   
  
I'll have to drive even slower now that it's raining, she thought. But she knew   
she had to get there in one piece, so Scully tried not to let the weather annoy   
her.   
  
Fifteen minutes later, she was dashing through the rain into Mulder's apartment   
building. She shook herself off as best she could, and proceeded to apartment   
42.   
  
Scully began to have second thoughts as she raised her hand to knock on   
Mulder's door. But she knocked anyway, even though it was almost midnight,   
and she had no idea what he would think.   
  
He answered almost immediately, leading her to assume he hadn't been asleep.   
  
"Scully, are you ok?", he asked.   
  
Of course, she thought, he thinks something's wrong.   
  
"Yeah, Mulder, everything's fine. I just couldn't sleep, and I need to talk to you."   
  
"Oh", he said, "Well, come on in. There's an old movie on television."   
  
She walked through the doorway. "Anything good?", she asked.   
  
"No", he smiled, "it's 'The Cockroach That Ate Cincinnati'"   
  
"Oh really? Well, I think I'll stay anyway", she laughed.   
  
"Do you need a towel, Scully? You look a little damp."   
  
"Yeah, I think so. It's pouring out there."   
  
Mulder went to get her a towel, and she heard it begin to rain harder. Then   
a clap of thunder startled her, and she jumped. She knew Mulder had seen   
her, because he was walking down the hall towards her. But all he did was   
wrap the towel around her shoulders, and then he led her into the living room.   
  
She was amazed that no matter how many weaknesses he saw, he never   
rubbed them in her face.   
*******************************************************   
  
They sat down on the couch, Scully dried off some, and then she had Mulder's   
full attention. She noticed he was looking at her kind of funny though.   
  
"Are you feeling better?", he questioned.   
  
She squirmed a bit. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about."   
  
He looked puzzled.   
  
"You see, Mulder, I was never sick. Sleep deprived, yes, but never sick."   
  
"Well, Scully, you know you could've told me you just needed some sleep.   
I wouldn't have ratted you out or anything, you know. It's not a big deal."   
  
"Maybe that's not a big deal, but there's more."   
  
"More?", he asked.   
  
"I went on a date tonight, Mulder", she said, studying her hands unusually   
hard. She peeked up at him through her eyelashes, and he looked a little   
shocked, and a little amused all at the same time.   
  
"With who?"   
  
"Do you remember James Warner? He was at Quantico the same time as I   
was, and he's done a couple of autopsies for us over the years."   
  
"Oh yeah. So what are you doing here? It's only midnight."   
  
He knows why, she thought. She could tell he was trying not to smile.   
  
"Well, as if it were any of your business-"   
  
"Scully", he interrupted her, "you just told me, therefore making it my business",   
he said, a mischievous look on his face.   
  
"OK, nosy, I got home about an hour ago. And it's not that I didn't have a pleasant   
time, I just don't think we'll be seeing each other again. At least not socially."   
  
"So the dating game didn't suit you, Agent Scully?"   
  
"Not this time anyway."   
  
"Well, why did you feel like you had to tell me?"   
  
"I don't know, I just felt really bad about lying to you this morning. I couldn't   
shake that all day. I just don't want to have any secrets from you. You're my   
best friend, my only friend really, in the world. I just don't want to hide anything   
from you."   
  
He looked a little surprised to hear that.   
  
"I feel the same way, Scully. I really do. We've always been pretty honest with   
each other. But if you ever have something deeply personal that you don't want   
to share, you know that's fine. I'll understand. I'll still worry, but I'll understand."   
  
"I know, but I don't think that's going to happen anymore."   
  
He smiled, and there was a lull in the conversation as they turned their attention   
to the TV for a minute.   
  
"This really is an awful movie", Scully said. "I guess I better go home, it's really   
late."   
  
"It's still pouring outside, are you sure you can make it?"   
  
"I think so, it shouldn't be a big problem."   
  
"I've got a better idea. Why don't you just stay here? You can have the bed, and   
I'll just sleep on the couch. It's not like I haven't done that before."   
  
"I don't know-", she started.   
  
"Really, it's not a big deal, and I'll know you're safe."   
  
She wasn't going to argue past what little attempt she'd made, she thought it   
was a wonderful idea.   
  
"OK, I wasn't looking forward to driving in this mess anyway."   
  
"Good. Everything's set in the bedroom, I just need to get a blanket out of   
there."   
  
She waited till he had done so, then they said goodnight, and she made her   
way into Mulder's bedroom. She was pretty sure she'd be able to sleep here.   
*******************************************************   
  
Scully turned down the sheets, and slipped between them. She buried her face   
in the pillow and sighed. It smelled like Mulder, and she loved that. She knew she   
would be able to sleep here.   
  
She turned over on her side, and reveled in how wonderful it was that Mulder   
was just in the next room. She didn't feel so lonely anymore.   
  
Oh boy, she thought, how did I get myself into this? I may not want to leave in   
the morning. Actually, I know I won't want to. But I'll have to work all that out in   
the morning.   
  
She lay there for awhile, not sleeping, but at peace.   
  
Suddenly she felt a presence, but her instincts told her not to move. She knew   
it was Mulder, so she pretended to be asleep.   
  
She peeked a tiny bit though, and saw his silouhette in the doorway. She didn't   
know why he was watching her, but she didn't mind.   
  
Then she heard his footsteps coming toward the bed, and her heart started   
pounding.   
  
Stay calm, she told herself, I can't let him know I'm awake.   
  
He sat down on the edge of the bed, and she could feel his eyes on her.   
  
She was facing him, and he reached over to stroke her hair.   
  
Scully had to force herself not to sigh. Oh God, Mulder, she thought, don't do   
this. I don't think I can handle this right now.   
  
She trusted him, but at the moment she didn't know if she could trust herself.   
  
She had to keep pretending to be asleep, even though everything in her mind   
and body told her to sit bolt upright, and tell Mulder that what he was doing was   
driving her insane. Because if he touched her one more time, she wasn't going to   
be responsible for what happened next.   
  
He caressed her cheek, and she reached up slowly, took his wrist, brought his   
hand down to her mouth, and kissed the palm.   
  
If Mulder was startled, he didn't show it. But he seemed to know what to do next.   
  
He crawled into bed next to Scully, and gathered her up in his arms. She rested   
her head on his chest, and this time she did sigh.   
  
This was exactly what she'd been dreaming of. Almost as if Mulder had read her   
mind, he had done exactly what she had wanted him to.   
  
Scully got more comfortable in his arms. For once, she wasn't going to talk herself   
out of physical contact. She couldn't deny herself anymore, she was ready to   
surrender to whatever was going to happen for them in the future.   
  
Right now, all she wanted was a good night's sleep in a wonderful man's arms.   
  
"Goodnight, Mulder", she murmured.   
  
"Goodnight, Scully", Mulder whispered, and she felt his lips brush her temple.   
  
She smiled to herself. I am definitely going to have a problem leaving in the morning,   
she thought as she drifted off to sleep.   
  
THE END ;)   
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
